GALFROMDOWNUNDER UPOVER

I just loitered across the most ludicrous piece of advertising copywriting since leaving the land of Truth Entertainingly Told. In fact, I even made a video of me badly acting this $100-an-hour piece of unintentional Saturday Nite Live satire. Have a perve (3 Mb Quicktime movie) , as we say downunder. For those ill-equipped with the technology to see my C-grade performance, I reproduce the copy below. Put on your best Platoon garb, grab a whistle, strap on your Smith & Wesson and read with the trepidation of someone about to pull a big fat trigger on some Donalds and Daisy's out minding their own business ... As long as you're looking up, a little prayer couldn't hurt. You called. Begged. Pleaded. You did whatever it took to get them back, and now there's a whistling of wings coming your way fast. Though it might be your last chance, it's the only one you'll need now you're loaded three-deep with new UltraShok TM. It's from Federal Premium,

Pictured above: With author and Japanophile Harris Salat and his book "Japanese Hotpots: Comforting One-Pot Meals" - music to a busy bachelorette's ears A month after returning from Japan , my obsession with it continues. Not only did I spend a good 60 New York minutes (= 10 outer-borough minutes?) browsing a book about Geishas in  Takashimaya , pleaded a Japanese friend to bring over some  cute cat-shaped dust-collectors , trekked across town in driving rain to eat  okonomiyaki  at Otafuku, and indulged in a few other things I'd rather not mention ...  I invested $22 to attend the Japan Society Hotpot lecture . I say "invested" because any casual Googling of the words 'japanese hotpot' or 'nabe' will reveal a ton of easy recipes and how-to you really don't have to pay for. Basically, cut up whatever you want, heat stock in a large casserole pot - preferably iron or clay - put the two together, and close the lid. $22

I'm just back from rolling out the recycled green carpet for David Kroodsma, the winning Huffington Post Hopenhagen Ambassador. What's that all about? ' avaread ...